I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
