I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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