My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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