I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
