You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
