Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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