I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm passing your future prison.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
