just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
