I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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