Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
