Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
