but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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