whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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