i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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