Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
tell me about the fingering
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