mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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