Kiss
Puke
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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