508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
