I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
