He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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