my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
