Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
