fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
