I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
