If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
