he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
