his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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