this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just invented taco cereal.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
