I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
