you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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