We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
