yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
