Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
