Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize