I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
