I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
