I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
