laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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