I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
