this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
