he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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