I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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