Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
