he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
