even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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