i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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