i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
