i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
