i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
