i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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