I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
