I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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