im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
