Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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