I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
