Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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