Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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