margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize