This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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