So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize