Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
