I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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