you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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