In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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