used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
