Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
