So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
