I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
