we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
